She Requires An Explanation

March 28, 2008

She requires an explanation, or so it would seem.  Her deafening silence and awkward far away stares.  It puts a person off.  She looks almost exactly the same except there is something very different.  It is not easy to put it into words.  It is more of an essence about her that has changed.  She has a ghostly appearance, almost like she is a shell of the person she once was.  The only way you could tell that she is no longer who she once was is if you looked into her eyes and saw that the light has gone out.  Her energy is gone.  If you knew her before….then it would not be necessary to try and have to explain.  You would just know.  Those that are closest to her are aware that she is not the same person.  But it has been so long that they forget who she once was.  They may have even accepted this new version of the truth, sadly.  Yet they do so with distance.  Yes they have only been able to cope with the truth of this metamorphisis by walking away from her.  Otherwise it would be too painful to deal with.  Her strange behaviors, new personality, different energy.  After all who could blame them for leaving her?  She is not the same person.  Without notice or permission she just left them first!  That was not fair, was it?  That is a good rationalization.  It worked.  Who would want to be around someone who barely spoke, stared off into the distance in between the lulls in the conversations that mostly were about the weather anyway?  She used to be so engaging, delightful, funny, interesting, high energy and fun to be around.  She was moody but that was part of her charm.  In fact, she was probably one of the most interesting people they had ever met.  She was deep, philosophical, up on her current events and she always listened.  She was very deeply caring about others.  But now, and for the longest time, she is the opposite of all of that.  She is flat, boring, sad, aloof, dull, and depressing to be around.  She just can’t seem to snap out of it.  Her husband works late and spends most of his free time away from home.  Her daughter just can’t take seeing her like this anymore.  They have all but given up on her.  Her family loves her dearly but she requires an explanation!  Where did she go?!  Why is she like this?!  They want her back and she wants to be back but she doesn’t know how or what path is the right path back.  She is lost and it has been too long.  

5 Responses to “She Requires An Explanation”

  1. sketched out Says:

    Poignant, stirring and painfully intimate. Some good writin’ goin’ on up in here.

  2. sketched out Says:

    Hey, I tagged you for a meme. Come to my blog for details, hee hee.

  3. grbev Says:

    Wow, did you know my mother? Thank you for sharing this. You were able to articulate what I have been trying to make sense of for the last 10 years since my mother’s death. It was hard to grieve for the death of a parent who had left their body years before.

    Even when she committed suicide, I remember driving home from finding her body, thinking, “Wow, this person killed my Mom. Who was she and where did my Mom go?”

    Thank you again for making sense out of senselessness.


  4. snowee Says:

    Thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry for your loss Bev. I am glad my writing was able to help some.

  5. artseafartsea Says:

    Very profound and poignant. You need to do more writing. Keep up the good work.

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