Fear On The Wall

November 25, 2007

fearonthewall.jpgYa ever feel like ya build things up in yer head and ya just want them to be so special and magical and like the old days? You put everything you have into it, your money you don’t have, your energy, your time, you give it all you have and more, so so so much more. Because you’re just sure it’s gonna be worth it in the end. Then when it comes time for it to happen, you get a funny pit in your belly. Cuz you just KNOW, it is not going to be what you want it to be. And its not even like you have a certain expectation in your head, like down to the T. It’s just a feeling, an idea, a hope. Maybe you’re hoping for love, kindness, charity, serenity, acceptance. Maybe it’s tradition or at least that’s what the tv tells you. It’s something special. But man when the that little nagging pit in your belly comes you do what you can to psyche yourself out and tell yourself, “no it’s gonna be ok.” But sure enough, it’s not gonna be what you hoped it would be. It is gonna be ok. It’s gonna be better than ok because you live your life for you and your loved ones. Your man and your child. The important ones. The ones that make it all good, every day and every night. We love each other. We bring love, kindness, charity, serenity and acceptance for one another always. But this one night, it is not gonna be what you hoped it would be. It never is, not ever. Each year comes and goes. You prepare, you ignore, you prepare, you ignore. It is always the same. Terrifyingly disappointing. They take, and they take until there is barely enough left for your man and your child to piece back together for you to get back to yourself. But they do. You do. And you tell yourself, it’s gonna be ok.